Anne Lamott once wrote, "Expectations are resentments under construction."
That line is worth sitting with.
Most of the frustration we carry as leaders doesn't come from what actually happens. It comes from the gap between what happened and what we expect to happen.
The Bamboo Farmer's Perspective
Managing expectations is a lot like tending bamboo. If you water consistently, check the soil, and pay attention to what's happening on the farm, growth comes steadily. But if you set it and walk away, neglect and frustration creep in.
When expectations go unspoken or unchecked, they quietly drain energy. They can create resentment and frustration. They derail progress. But when leaders are willing to get clear, stay curious, and keep communicating, expectations become a source of alignment instead of tension.
Here are five ways to manage expectations like a bamboo farmer.
Clarify Expectations Early and Often
Ambiguity kills momentum.
Be clear from the start about roles, responsibilities, and outcomes. Don't assume people know what you need from them. Spell it out. Encourage questions. Make sure the expectations are understood, not just stated.
Clarity is one of the best things a leader can offer their team.
Address Implicit Agreements
Teams often run into trouble because of unspoken assumptions. One person assumes someone else will handle it. The other person assumes it's not their responsibility. The result? Frustration and finger pointing.
The fix is simple: clear ownership. When in doubt, communicate. When it feels obvious, communicate anyway. What seems clear to you may not be clear to the person sitting across the table.
Explore and Challenge Assumptions
Stating expectations is only part of the work. The other part is uncovering the assumptions that lie beneath.
Try asking: "What does success looks like here?" Or: "What's your understanding of your role in this?"
These kinds of questions can surface misalignment before it grows into a real problem. They also show your team that you care about shared understanding, not just compliance.
Encourage Paraphrasing
One of the simplest leadership tools I know: ask your team to repeat the expectation back to you. Not word-for-word. In their own language.
This does two things. It confirms clarity. And it cements the expectation in their minds in a way that passive listening never will.
Revisit Expectations Regularly
Expectations aren't something you set once and walk away from. They drift over time. Priorities shift. People forget.
Build in regular check-ins. Weekly meetings, progress updates, or brief team huddles where you clarify, reinforce, and reset as needed. This rhythm keeps everyone aligned and prevents surprises down the road.
Think of it like watering. You don't water the bamboo once and hope for the best. You come back. Again and again.
Clarity is vital to success. Communication is alignment. And revisiting expectations is how you keep the field healthy and thriving.
Where in your leadership could a little more clarity change the outcome?